fiddle dee

She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes In shape no bigger than an agate stone i know i know... mercutio was talking about me

Monday, November 06, 2006

About Jack Bauer... True Story!

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe its beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time.

Wait, that is a real fact.Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Jack Bauer pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Gotcha!! Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Jack Bauer were gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

9 Comments:

Blogger joshi said...

ROTLOF!!!my ribs...my ribs..does jack bauer blog..or does his blog blog itself for him to read!!

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Cherie said...

Jesus Christ LM, am dyin here!

ahem, Jack Bauer musta told u to post something new so u did this to appease him!

Baz shd read this...it'll make his day!

5:17 AM  
Anonymous Cherie said...

Oh, and joshi...that myt be true..abt his blog! lol

5:18 AM  
Blogger lissingmink said...

every time i read... i still get soo tickled!!

how come most major characters in movies are called jack....???

hmmm...

1:52 AM  
Blogger Darlkom said...

So good to have you back.

2:14 AM  
Anonymous Jack Bauer said...

These posts had better be frequent.

2:15 AM  
Blogger scotchbiscuits said...

crazy fun post you this one. makes me thing Jack Bauer was standing leaning your shoulder while you typed.

6:30 AM  
Blogger lissingmink said...

@darl... love you too

@scotch... very close- i've had 24 to my eyeballs!- he paid me

@jack... hehehehe good one

5:47 AM  
Blogger Goddess of Sorts said...

i was especailly tickled by the ones bout Jack Bauer as a child!

11:46 AM  

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